The Greatest Showman on Earth

Step right up, step right up folks I’m about to tell you a tale. A tale so incredible and unbelievable you won’t believe your eyes. And the best part is the entrance is free. Today I’m going to tell you a tale about a monster and the lengths some men would go to make you believe in him. And to get famous from that belief. So come on in don’t be afraid. The cost you pay on the way out is with your soul, should you chose to sell it..

Our first exhibit, is of a monster found in the late sixties in the ice in Siberia, no, Vietnam, no wait, it was Minnesota. Yes, that’s it, Minnesota. Now lovingly referred to as The Minnesota Iceman. Now this iceman had a busy life. It traveled all over to different fairs and exhibits. After several different examinations over the years by two prominent scientists, the glass ceiling on this hoax collapsed, and It was finally found to be a latex fake. And the great showman that traveled by its side, Frank D. Hansen, who changed iceman’s story as he went, announced when it was proved a hoax that he was not the actual owner. It was, at the time, rumored to be owned by Jimmy Stewart. Imagine that folks, if you can. One of the most revered actors of his time showing off a fake monster to the world. Is it true? We may never know who’s soul sold out here.

The Minnesota Ice Man

So are we all paying attention now? Good, then let’s move right on to exhibit two. Folks if you thought that last one was a good tale wait till I tell you this one. Ladies and gentlemen, here in this blog I present the ultimate tale..The birth of Bigfoot.

Back in 1958, while doing road construction, a tractor operator named Gerry Crew stumbled on a large set of footprints. Due to the extraordinary size they began being called Bigfoot. After much excitement and publicity it was found to be a hoax and that Crew’s boss created prints using carved wooden feet. Despite the hoax, the name stuck. We are still referring to the big guy as Bigfoot today.

Send in the clowns..

Good ladies and good gents, how are we all doing? We are going to take a few minutes now for the clown portion of this circus of life.

The first clowns out tonight are oldies but goodies. Back in 1977, a busload of people witnessed a Sasquatch crossing the highway in Vancouver, Canada. Although that area is now known as a bit of a hotspot for all things hairy, at the time it was rare. This clown show was well thought out. A fake witness was planted on the bus to yell out Sasquatch first to put everyone in the right mindset, while three other clowns donned their elaborate suit (for the time) and crossed the highway. Although I’m not sure why, the group turned themselves in on their own.

Next clown 🤡 out is our only female clown. Introducing Melba Ketchum and her illustrious Sasquatch DNA Project. She performed the marvelous feet of conducting a five year study of Sasquatch tissue samples. She announced at the end Of her study that Sasquatch was a human hybrid. Her findings were reported in the Denovo Journal of Science which was later reported to be owned by her.

There you have it folks, they may have gone under but we can’t say they didn’t try hard..and now let’s give a round of applause to one of the top acts yet today. A true showman, let’s hear it for ....Rick Dyer!

Rick and his infamous buddy Mathew Whitton claimed they came upon a dead Bigfoot body while they were out hiking in Georgia. As large as they claimed the body to be they still accomplished the amazing feet of dragging it out of the woods. They claimed they were storing it in a freezer so the body would keep. After their grand announcement, the body was examined to be found as a Halloween costume with animal remains thrown in for good measure. Ladies and gentlemen can you just imagine that smell! Now this would have been a great act all on its own but this great showman had another great role left to play in him. In 2014, Mr. Dyer claimed he had killed a Bigfoot he called Hank. After announcing to one and all that a university had done all the needed DNA tests and came to the conclusion they were dealing with a previously unknown species. He took his kill on tour, charging people to see it. Can you believe it!?! Almost put me! Me! Out of business. How would I compete?! Luckily, guilt, or something more powerful, got to him. Leaving him to confess almost unintelligibly on Facebook that his body was yet again fake and made of latex and camel hair. Folks, I won’t make you think on the smell again..

And now a brief intermission before our main act is revealed.. hurry back folks you won’t want to miss a second..

Alright, alright I hoped you all hurried back to your seats? You won’t want to miss the grand finale! Ladies and gentlemen I admit I assembled a fabulous array of performers for you but this one "takes the cake" if you will. May I have a drum 🥁 roll please!

Ladies and good gents I present...Tom Biscardi!

This one tops them all folks! Because who better than a hoaxer to prove someone else is hoaxing, am I right?

Tom was Rick’s main supporter. Stating that he examined the body and it was indeed real. He went on to state he had measured the feet and and felt the intestines himself. Folks, I took the liberty of taping plastic bags to your seats should you feel the need. As I was saying, he swore to us the DNA proof would prove it to us all. And if you believe him, then I have some great deals to discuss after the show. Meet me in the back of the ⛺️ tent.

But that was only his opening act. To add insult to injury this known hoaxer was going to prove to the world at last that our beloved Patty, the Patterson and Gimlin, film was a fake. I mean, the set of popcorn balls he had. Yes he was the one that would lead us to the truth. Not the scientist that examined it. The witnesses that never changed their story. Not even to confess otherwise on their deathbed. No, Tom and his radio show and DVD "The Hoax of the Century", was going to be the one to end the debate. I mean, I don’t know about anyone else, but I could use that plastic bag right now from all the bull I had to ingest just to create this show for you! So that is what makes him the main attraction. Because if you can get away with all that and still have a career? Then you earned the main act of this show.

Well folks, it’s been a great night, but we have finally come to the conclusion of the performance. I hoped you all enjoyed the show and remember...you don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here..

Thank you to wpihuntsthetruth for my amazing ringmaster..