Bigfoot for President

                 

What? It could happen. The way our forests and undeveloped land is shrinking? I’d even vote for the whiperwill bird 🐦 I want to relocate to the yard of my enemies. That’s a serious concession on my part. Considering he would probably call for a presidential direct order to have every bird in the state sing outside my bedroom window, since he clearly doesn’t like me either.

Bigfoot for president isn’t anything that could happen right now, of course, but voting for a president that would share the same values and ideals most of us researchers, writers and Bigfoot enthusiasts share for protecting his home and his person is always possible, every four years. (To be clear I’m not picking on or favoring any side here except Bigfoot) So let’s brainstorm, what are those values and ideals we share with Bigfoot and what will keep his species safe. Because that is common ground here that we all can get behind. (and everyone agreeing would be wonderful even for just one day).

Well, the first one should probably be, (since we are talking about Bigfoot after all) protecting his environment. (If he really could run, then this would be his platform)  He would need someone who cared about our state and national forests, parks, conservation land , and protection for all his little forest friends. 

        

                        Art by Ann Wetheim

Bigfoot may not understand the EPA or the like but he knows that his trees are all being mowed down and his land is shrinking away.  Trees are one of the most important things to him. No trees and he has nowhere to hide and live and no vegetation to eat. This is also a big problem for us, we enjoy those forests and parks also, we go there to look for him after all. 

Next, after his home is water. He needs clean fresh water to drink on that mountain. (Not to bathe apparently, just drink) We are contaminating alot of areas with our waste. What is he going to do? If he goes to a 7-Eleven for “spring” water he will most likely be shot, stuffed and mounted. 

Lastly,  I’m sure he isn’t a huge fan of all the hunting and guns in the forest. But as long as you are not pointing them at him? Then I’m sure you can come to an agreement. He doesn’t want them,  he just wants you to point them somewhere else. And if he does somehow manage to evolve into becoming a president? Then he can finally put his own name on the endangered whatever species list (Hairy man, ape or hybrid) works best. 

We could all probably learn a lot from him too, president or no. Learning to just get back to living from the land, only worrying about eating and where to lay your head at night. Doesn’t that sound wonderful. But we don’t have to leave it all behind and pack up and head for the forest. 🌳 We Just have to work to help save the one that’s outside our doors now. 

And if you don’t have one, then maybe you could help come up with a plan for replanting some of those trees, or else you’ll never see the big guy during his inaugural tour. 😁

“Hail to the chief, if you don’t , I’ll have to kill you

I am the chief, so you better watch your step, you bastards”..

James Garner, My Fellow Americans 

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