Bigfoot for President 

                 

What? It could happen. The way our forests and undeveloped land is shrinking? I’d even vote for the whiperwill bird 🐦 I want to relocate to the yard of my enemies. That’s a serious concession on my part. Considering he would probably call for a presidential direct order to have every bird in the state sing outside my bedroom window, since he clearly doesn’t like me either.

Bigfoot for president isn’t anything that could happen right now, of course, but voting for a president that would share the same values and ideals most of us researchers, writers and Bigfoot enthusiasts share for protecting his home and his person is always possible, every four years. (To be clear I’m not picking on or favoring any side here except Bigfoot) So let’s brainstorm, what are those values and ideals we share with Bigfoot and what will keep his species safe. Because that is common ground here that we all can get behind. (and everyone agreeing would be wonderful even for just one day).

Well, the first one should probably be, (since we are talking about Bigfoot after all) protecting his environment. (If he really could run, then this would be his platform)  He would need someone who cared about our state and national forests, parks, conservation land , and protection for all his little forest friends. 

        

                        Art by Ann Wetheim

Bigfoot may not understand the EPA or the like but he knows that his trees are all being mowed down and his land is shrinking away.  Trees are one of the most important things to him. No trees and he has nowhere to hide and live and no vegetation to eat. This is also a big problem for us, we enjoy those forests and parks also, we go there to look for him after all. 

Next, after his home is water. He needs clean fresh water to drink on that mountain. (Not to bathe apparently, just drink) We are contaminating alot of areas with our waste. What is he going to do? If he goes to a 7-Eleven for “spring” water he will most likely be shot, stuffed and mounted. 

Lastly,  I’m sure he isn’t a huge fan of all the hunting and guns in the forest. But as long as you are not pointing them at him? Then I’m sure you can come to an agreement. He doesn’t want them,  he just wants you to point them somewhere else. And if he does somehow manage to evolve into becoming a president? Then he can finally put his own name on the endangered whatever species list (Hairy man, ape or hybrid) works best. 

We could all probably learn a lot from him too, president or no. Learning to just get back to living from the land, only worrying about eating and where to lay your head at night. Doesn’t that sound wonderful. But we don’t have to leave it all behind and pack up and head for the forest. 🌳 We Just have to work to help save the one that’s outside our doors now. 

And if you don’t have one, then maybe you could help come up with a plan for replanting some of those trees, or else you’ll never see the big guy during his inaugural tour. 😁


“Hail to the chief, if you don’t , I’ll have to kill you

I am the chief, so you better watch your step, you bastards”..

James Garner, My Fellow Americans 

Copyright July 2018, property of  Bigfootmountain (tm) all rights reserved 

        


Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

He Does Exist..The Semi-Autobiographical Tale of Dyatlov Pass

Image
On yet another glorious snowy morning in Massachusetts, the 3rd one in as many weeks, I sat out in the doorway just watching it all come down. I couldn't help but think-what if I was outside lost and stranded? What if the abominable snowman exists and is out hunting right now?  It made me think of a tale, a true tale, of an abominable snowman that was out prowling, that did hunt people. He currently resides in the icy slopes of Dyatlov Pass, in the Ural Mountains of Russia. I feel relatively safe telling his tale from this location. It would be a lot of work for him to get here. But just in case, I have a Louisville Slugger near my door. His tale is the most frightening one I've ever heard and has haunted me since I first heard of it many years ago. (Many? Did my editor put that word in)?It's a scary tale because it is real...and we have proof. On February 2nd, 1959. Nine unsuspecting college students entered the liar of a Yeti and didn't survive to tell this tal...
Read more

And you DON'T Believe in Bigfoot?!

Image
So, you still don’t believe in Bigfoot?...Well that’s fine.  With all the crazy creatures floating around in this world ... Bigfoot is the no go. Our own existence on this planet is something that should cause us to say "hmmm". How are we here? Why do we look the way we do? Just what makes us tick? That is where belief comes in. Some put their existence all on heavenly cards...while others put it all on the scientific ones. So, who is right or wrong? If our own existence is still somewhat in question, why would other creatures seem so far fetched? Have you seen some of the unbelievable creatures that live on the land, in water, and in the sky? I will tell you this...I would (and do) believe in a Sasquatch before I would believe in some of these creatures that are actually already established as real. Let’s explore some, shall we... The Barreleye Fish. Not sure, but I think I can see it’s BRAIN!!!! The Goblin Shark..Really! This is real! ...
Read more

Warning ⚠️ Squatching May be Hazardous to Your Health 

Image
I have always enjoyed my time in the great outdoors, whether I am at a beach, the dog park or Squatching. You couldn’t coerce me back in the house. In the summer months I’m literally outdoors from dawn till dusk, but lately I’ve noticed that all these outdoor activities are starting to become hazardous to my health.              Chris Farley in Black Sheep I’m used to the constant Chris Farley type trips I do daily, sometimes, most times, it’s usually in a public forum. The grocery store while the floor was wet, Maggie’s doggy day care in front of the owner and when I was teaching a million times tripping over the kids in front of everyone and on film too! I was used to it. I never bothered to  jump up to see if anyone was looking, because I knew they were. Sure it’s funny now, or even then, but this last year I’m doing the same maneuvers but I’m actually starting to feel these falls. Things are starting to get real here. After talking to some f...
Read more